


A Long Overdue Confession

by Oscarsings



Category: Starlight Express - Phillips/Stilgoe/Webber
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22722091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oscarsings/pseuds/Oscarsings
Summary: Months after the race, Greaseball is struggling to move on from everything that happened. With his reputation in shambles and his pride shattered, he’s been forced to face the mistakes he’s made, and the people he’s wronged.Now, with the goal of racing again in mind, he has only one more thing left to do before he completely leaves behind the regrets of the past.And that one thing is apologizing.
Relationships: Dinah/Greaseball (Starlight Express), Not anymore but it’s mentioned
Kudos: 11





	A Long Overdue Confession

**Author's Note:**

> “You know it’s funny,” Greaseball mused to the wind as he took a lighter from his pocket, “I don’t miss her at all.”
> 
> CB felt his mind come to a stop, “What?”
> 
> The engine let out a faint laugh. It wasn’t a lighthearted sound. More... reflective, before setting the tip of the cigarette alight. “How shitty is that huh? I was with’er for.. couple years? Hell.. I can’t even remember how long. But I honestly couldn’t give two shits about the fact she’s gone.” He tapped the end of it against his lips.
> 
> Probably for the first time in his entire life, CB didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t come up with any quippy comments, any jokes, or even any clever insults.
> 
> So instead he went quiet again.

It had been a couple months since the race. 

By now everyone had returned home ages ago, the warm summer air cooled into a gentle fall breeze, and Control’s speakers had gone silent. Everything had just.. returned to normal. Well, as close to normal as things could be. That also meant tracks that had been used for the race returned to their intended uses; so they now lay abandoned aside from occasional travelers. 

That part was actually nice, considering the last thing Greaseball wanted at the moment was to see anyone. 

That moment, or any other since he’d lost the race. 

He didn’t want to feel any more ashamed of himself than he already was. He didn’t want to acknowledge the public disgrace he’d gone through. And he didn’t want anyone to give him _ one more  _ of those _ stupid. sorry. looks. _ that  _ every single _ train that recognized him gave him anymore. 

It was pathetic. 

_ Humiliating.  _

And it only grew more humiliating every time. 

The ‘look’ was one of discomfort. One of _ pity _ . Like they were put off by the fact they were forced to know he still had the guts to be out in public. Imagine, pitying him! It was like they were insulted that they even had to see him, when only a few months ago they would have been positively  _ floored _ to even catch a passing glance at America’s Champion Racer. They somehow felt  _ pitiful  _ for knowing what he’d tried to pull at the race with CB and Electra. It was like they got some kind of… unwarranted secondhand embarrassment from the memory of it. 

Greaseball let out a groan and stopped, holding his forehead. The physical headache the wave of shame brought on by remembering what he’d done had caused his wheels to break involuntarily. The image of having to stand in front of the world broken and battered… tangled up and fused to the other two like some kind of misshapen circus act gone wrong… the truth of what they’d done echoing through the crowd… Then worst of all he had to be picked up from the ground like a misbehaving child and forced to go find the “proud champion” and his racing partner.

Greaseball wasn’t sure why he was still getting so upset reliving it, he’d run over the memory practically every day since it happened. More so than ever the last few days. All that was certain to the engine was that it was practically exhausting to recall; so he pulled over to the side of the track to have a quick break. 

“ _ After this I’ll be on my way again _ .” He thought to himself as he leaned against the rickety old fence that separated the track and the nearly endless fields that were so common to this area.

He’d been on the road for about a week now, thank Starlight he’d been designed for long distance travel. But truthfully even if he hadn’t been, nothing could have stopped him from reaching his destination. Greaseball just wanted this to be over with and home as quickly as physically possible; this wasn’t a pleasure trip after all. Believe it or not, he was crossing the country yet again with a purpose. And once he’d finished what he’d come to do he’d be right back on his way home. Then maybe…  _ just maybe  _ he could finally move on from all of this, start rebuilding his reputation, maybe even race again. 

Maybe. But before he could even consider any of that, this needed to be done.

...Unfortunately though that would have to wait, because the sound of wheels approaching pulled him from his thoughts and made him  _ painfully _ aware he was no longer alone.

“Hold on- Greaseball’s that you?”

The familiar voice was worse than the sound of nails on a chalkboard. 

“Starlight’s sake..” he muttered under his breath, reluctantly turning to see exactly what he didn’t want. The bright red paint was almost more headache inducing than the memories themselves. “Heya CB.”

“What the hell are you doing back here?” His old friend quickly snapped, “Shouldn’t you be- I dunno somewhere else? Hopefully collecting rust?” Based on his tone and angry demeanor, it was clear Caboose wasn’t  _ completely _ over Greaseball screwing up his plans for the race. “My jaw’s still broken from your damn knee by the way.” 

...okay he was definitely still pissed about the whole thing. 

“Yeah… sorry about that” the engine glanced down at him.

“Aww you’re sorry!” He dramatically clasped his hands together and let out an exaggerated happy sigh, “Well that fixes  _ everything!  _ I’m sure now everyone will trust me again so long as  _ you’re sorry!  _ Y'know I’ve been living in some dank little shack because I had to haul it out of the freightyard once I got repaired? I thought the Rockys were gonna tear me to bits! _ ” _

“Well that ain’t my fault! You’re the one who got  _ me _ into your stupid plan remember?”

_“And_ ** _you’re_** _the one who screwed it up!”_ CB practically yelled at him. “Do you know how many jobs I’d done before you and that hoitey toitey high and mighty electric showed up? **_I can’t even count!_** That’s how many! Then you two come and fuck the whole thing up!”

Greaseball grunted, clearly not caring about CB’s ravings enough to even defend himself, just turning back away from him and the track again. “I knew I’d be unwanted here but I didn’t realize you’d be one of em’ who’d be in a fit about seeing me.” Actually, he hadn't expected to see CB  _ at all _ on this trip,  or ever again for that matter.

“Well you should’ve.” He huffed and looked the once proud engine over, “Never expected you’d have the guts to show your face out here again. Or anywhere for that matter.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Just figured you’d’ve gone off the map or something to avoid everyone like Electra did.”

That caught his attention, “Wait what’d Electra do?”

“You… don’t know?”

“Would I be  _ asking _ if I knew, smartass?” 

CB narrowed his eyes and scoffed at the comment, but he seemed to move past it quickly. “Nobody’s seen ‘em since the race. Not even his components know where he went off to, but word on the street is he shut off his gps so they wouldn’t be able to track him.”

“Huh…” That was definitely shocking, considering how close he knew Electra and his components were. In fact he couldn’t actually remember a time where the rising star hadn’t been seen without at least one of his lovers. 

“Guess you haven’t been having as much trouble as the two of us though.” He crossed his arms. “I mean I know you dropped out of the racing game for a while but from what I hear you’ve been arrogant and airheaded as ever.”

Greaseball let out a grunt. “I’d rather keep my head up high than go and wallow in humiliation.”

Caboose’s teeth grit, “Good for you then.”

“Mhm.”

A sort of silence began settling over them, but luckily the little red racing partner was never one to lack conversation.

“So why are you back then?”

“...Headed to a race”

“Bull. You’ve been sidelining yourself for months, why would you pop back in in a race halfway across the continent.” CB cocked an eyebrow. “C’mon just tell me, it’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.”

“Look just leave it alone alright?” Greaseball leaned against the fence post that bordered the track and looked out over the field of swaying grass that lay on the other side. “I’m here now and I’m leaving soon that’s all that matters.”

“Not gonna disagree with you there.” He said with a huff as he leaned against the fence as well. “But nobody around here’s going to want you hanging around for too long. They barely can stomach I haven’t up and left yet.”

Greaseball raised an eyebrow, “Well what about you then, why’re you still here? You weren’t exactly left with the squeaky clean reputation you used to have either.”

CB looked away, puffing out a breath of air. “I never have much trouble considering everyone else’s going out of their way to avoid me.” A little stifled giggle came from his lips, “Practically lost everything… no one’ll even spare me a glance anymore. Well, actually they do but it aint with a smile I’ll tell y’ that.”

“Well that’s not surprising. Must be nice to be avoided though, I can barely stand to have anyone look my way.” 

“Really? Wow, with an ego like yours that must be hellish.” CB snorted out, a definite glare in his eyes.

Greaseball opened his mouth to defend himself-.... But he couldn’t argue against that. “Yeah, yeah it is. But hey, you’re probably used to the treatment you’re getting huh Mr. Face-both-ways?”

“Why would I be used to it?” he responded while propping his head up on his arm against the fence post, almost sounding offended.

“Well wasn’t that a part of your whole charade? Y’know layin’ low’n stuff so you could get away with whatever you were planning?”

“Um. No? Why the hell would you think that?” He chuckled and shook his head at how stupid the suggestion was, “Starlight you really didn’t pay attention. I was everyone’s friend, somebody everyone knew’n trusted!” He let a giggle slip out and elbowed the engine’s arm with a wink, “That way it was easier to get close to ‘em. Plus if anyone happened to see and tried to snitch on me no’ne’d believe ‘em.”

“..huh.” 

“Mhm, even did it with whoever I roped into whatever I was doing.” He snickered as the memories from the race came to mind, “Starlight it worked so well on you two egotistical nimrods; you didn’t even doubt me for a second.”

Greaseball listened. It was a believable explanation, but it did leave him feeling like an idiot realizing that he really  _ had _ fallen for that fake ass smile. “Pretty nasty trick.”

“I know.” CB flashed an innocent grin back up at him. 

“So just outta curiosity, what was your actual plan?” The tone of his voice soured and his gaze became more fixed on the other. “Electra mentioned somethin’ about you double crossing me.”

CB felt the change and let out a passive (albeit nervous) chuckle. “I’m smarter than that GB I’m not gonna tell you that, you’n I both know it’ll just end up with me getting a black eye.”

“It would not!”

“...”

“...okay you’re right.” He let his expression return to normal as he turned his gaze back out on the field beyond the fence.

As they stood beside each other, gazes transfixed on nothing in particular, a silence fell. It was quite serene actually, the sound of the grass blades brushing against each other in the winds providing a lovely gentle ambiance. But within the serenity, there was still a tension from the rope dangling an inevitable question that neither was eager to ask.

But it was a necessary one.

“...so, you talk to her still?”

CB shrugged, “Nope, like I said no one’s exactly eager to pal around with me anymore.” Crossing his arms on the fence, he rested his head in them, “least of all her…” 

“ah..” He wasn’t exactly  _ surprised _ , but that didn’t have much of a hopeful effect on him. “Some great partner I was with her..”

“Some great friend I was..” CB blew out a breath. “She didn’t deserve either of us low lifes.” CB spoke quietly, the sad tint of his mood bleeding through his words. “She deserves so much better.”

“Yeah…”

And once again, a silent pause came between them as familiar waves of.. guilt came over them. 

Guilt and regret.

“You know it’s funny,” Greaseball mused to the wind as he took a lighter from his pocket, “I don’t miss her at all.”

CB felt his mind come to a stop, “What?”

The engine let out a faint laugh. It wasn’t a lighthearted sound. More... reflective, before setting the tip of the cigarette alight. “How shitty is that huh? I was with’er for.. couple years? Hell.. I can’t even remember how long. But I honestly couldn’t give two shits about the fact she doesn’t want me anymore.” He tapped the end of it against his lips.

Probably for the first time in his entire life, CB didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t come up with any quippy comments, any jokes, or even any clever insults to that.

So instead he went quiet again.

“That’s why I’m back.” The engine stated flatly, blowing out a soundless puff of smoke, “Came to apologize, if she’ll hear me out. But if she won’t hear from you I doubt she’ll ever stick around to listen to me. Not like I blame her, after how much of an ass I was I wouldn’t want to see me either.”

He just stared up at the other a little bit of.. anger bubbling up. “Dinah doesn’t want you back.” He quickly snapped defensively, “She’s moved on from your bullshit I know that for damn sure.”

“I know that too! Good for her, I don’t want her to want me back.”

“Wait.. Really..?”

“Really” 

“So.. you’re not kidding, you really just want to apologize? You’re not gonna beg her to come back? Not gonna guilt her into forgiving you?”

Greaseball blew out another cloud of smoke. “I really just want to say I’m sorry. I don’t want her to take me back, hell I don’t even want her to forgive me! I just can’t live with myself till I make sure she knows that if I could I’d go back and change it all I would.” Reaching up and holding his head, he shut his eyes and tried to clear his mind again. “I’ve tried to move on, but I can’t get over what I did to her.” He let out a sigh, “All she ever did was care about me. And what did I do? Jack shit.”

CB just listened to him, still almost not believing what he was hearing.. but he always knew when others were lying. And at the moment, Greaseball wasn’t. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” He turned his gaze back down the track. “I’ve gotta get this over with so I can be outta her hair as soon as possible.” He said while flicking his cigarette onto the track and extinguishing it, “I don’t want to bother her anymore.”

“Well, I hope it goes well.” CB straightened up and crossed his arms, “But I  _ swear to the Starlight _ if I find out you tried to get her back after what you put her through-“

“Then you can rip off my couplers and run me off a cliff for all I care.” Greaseball turned to start on his way once again, but stopped to look back at him one more time. “Hey CB?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“...Thanks.” 

And with that, the once proud diesel engine started on his way once again, leaving his old accomplice to stand there and watch him go. Up till today Caboose had no idea if he’d ever see him again, or if he even wanted to ever see him again… but maybe this really was good conclusion to the guilty hell that the two of them had been through the last few months. And now after hearing that.. CB started to consider that he should pick up his head and try apologizing too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow okay so I’ve been working on this since November? I’m so glad that it’s finally done that I’m posting this from my phone which I never do (so if there’s an issue with formatting please let me know).  
> But anyway yeah! Greaseball apologizes and Dinah doesn’t take him back but at least they both get closure, and isn’t that what really matters?


End file.
